No Return Address
by prinnie
Summary: CHPT 3 UP. House prayed for some Carmen Electra or Angelina Jolie action. Or bothhe's not picky. But what he got instead, was a pair of Parasites. HouseCuddy with Wilson, oh yeah, and the Parasites:D
1. Chapter 1

Hey all!! Here's another fic for you all! I know that it all seems a little farfetched in the beginning, but i swear to you, i won't butcher this. Well, i'll try not to. I really hope that you enjoy this, and please let me know what you think!!

Oh yes - 2 chapters in one. and i have another 3 already written :)

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It was late at night or early in the morning depending on how you looked at it, House was at his piano, playing a light soulful tune as he brooded. The action in itself was an oxymoron, but Greg House wasn't exactly one for conventional practices.

Wilson, the philandering skirt chaser, was entertaining his latest squeeze - House scoffed slightly 'Boy-Wonder indeed', he thought to himself. It didn't take him long to bounce back from Incident Julie, moving on to Cancer Chick and now Sandra with legs like a giraffe. This one was going to give Jimmy boy a run for his money. Sandra was a ball breaker, and he didn't doubt that if Philandering James came back into play, she wouldn't hesitate in damaging the jewels. Perhaps James Wilson had finally met his match.

His match. It had been a long time since he'd thought about anything like that. Not since Stacy 'She-Witch' Mathews, now Warner. For the longest time he thought Stacy was his match, his perfect fit. At times, their relationship was sickeningly sweet. Greg House buying flowers and chocolate – that concept lasted all of 5 hours. He'd try to help her make dinner, but each time ended up being thrown out of the kitchen. They would fight about almost everything under the sun, and after had wild angry make-up sex. Wasn't that the life. And then she betrayed him. Left at his lowest point. She couldn't hack it. Couldn't hack life with the Greg House she helped turn him into.

Then there was her accomplice. The ever gorgeously, guilty Dean of Medicine - Dr. Lisa 'Fun Bags' Cuddy. Now there was a ball breaker. The woman was pure evil, and he loved it. She never backed down from a fight, returning his barbs with such grace that it sometimes caught him off guard. She had the nerve to pull his authorization, and near lost her job trying to save his. He made her life miserable when he came back to work after the infarction. Shooting her down, using her guilt against her – trying to make her feel the pain the he was going through. He would catch her sometimes in the doorway watching his progress with the physiotherapist, but by the time he looked up again, she was gone. Several times, he would catch her in her fancy office with her head in her hands, shoulders shaking slightly because of another fight that they had. It made him feel better for all but two seconds, when he would remember the good times they had together back in College. Good times, yeah they were good times alright.

House sighed and looked at his old friend Jack Daniels. Jack was the only thing other than Steve Mc Queen and his Baby Grand that were keeping him company tonight. Wilson was playing doting boyfriend, Cuddy had disconnected her phone after several of his annoyingly pointless calls for 'consultations', and his endless pranks. He didn't try her pager again, knowing that she would come through on the threat of docked pay, the extended 15 hours of clinic duty and the whiniest clinic patients in the history of whiney, hypochondriac patients. His little minions were off having lives of their own – since PPTH had hit a sudden dry spell of interesting cases that only the infamous Dr. Greg House could solve. He was bored, and in need of a serious distraction, only it was 3 in the morning, his usual forms of entertainment were otherwise detained or off limits, and there really was only so much L-Word repeats a man could take.

House sighed, and contemplated heading to the jazz bar, before remembering that it was 3 in the morning. Grunting, House shut the lid on the Grand a little more forcefully than he meant to, and dropped himself onto his couch. Shutting his eyes, he thought back to what had happened over the last 8 months. Foreman had gotten sick, Cuddy wanted a baby, and he got to rub her butt. Some disgruntled spouse of an ex patient shot him, and Cuddy followed his wishes and put him under the Ketamine treatment. He regained a few months of his old life – running, no pills, no pain and then the bstard came back and bit him in the a$$. The upside of it was that the pain wasn't quite as intense as it had been previously, but it was still there. The Grumpy Bstard with the Cane was back in the House. Well…at least now when he tried to walk without his cane, he hobbled with a little more ease.

_Shuffle, whimper_

House opened his eyes at the noise, and looked toward the noise. It was coming from outside his front door. Curiously, he frowned, and grabbed his baseball bat. He pressed his ear up against the door and listened carefully.

_Snuffle_

He pulled open the door, and stared down at the ground in disbelief. There, swaddled in blankets in a twin rocker – was a pair of baby twins.

"You're fecking joking."

They couldn't have been more than 2 months old. With little beanies covering their heads, tiny gloved hands waving about as they began to wail.

"No way. I don't do parasites."

He said to no one in particular, still staring at the babies. He looked from side to side, and picked up the rocker, hefting the bag beside it to the neighbors, with the idea that he would leave them at his neighbors. They seemed familial and parasite needy. He was about halfway down the path to their house when the babies started their full-blown screeching, attracting the attention of a passing police car.

"Sir, is everything ok?" the policeman asked as he got out of the car,

Caught off guard, House tried to think quick.

"What is it illegal to take a walk now?"

The policeman raised an eyebrow at him, as the crying got louder. "No, but loitering suspiciously out a home, with crying babies is rather-"

"Suspicious?"

"Concerning."

"Well, I'd be more concerned with the idiot that dropped them off on my doorstep."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard right. Idiot. babies. MY doorstep. Say why don't you take them. Find an orphanage or something. Just _take_ them."

The policeman reached for the letter that was sandwiched in a groove in the rocker.

"You didn't see this?" he handed him the unopened envelope,

"Obviously. Did they teach you to state the obvious in Police School? Open it then will you, hands kind of full here."

The policeman looked at him wryly and opened up the envelope, skimming over it briefly, flicking through the pages.

"You Gregory House?"

"Who wants to know?"

"I'll take that as a yes. Congratulations, you are now the lawful parent of these children."

"What?" House spluttered, his eyes bulging.

"Read it for yourself, and I suggest you take the little ones inside and feed them. It seems everything you need for the next couple of days are in that bag. Call back in the morning if you want to contest this. But I suggest that you read through that letter first. Evening."

Dumbfounded, House went back inside, babies and all. He set them down on the kitchen table, pouring himself another drink as he heated up the bottles of milk from the bag. Waiting for the milk to heat up, he unfolded the letter, quickly skimming the first paragraph before looking from the still crying twins to the sky.

"When I said that I was bored and wanted a distraction, I didn't mean sic me a pair of twins you idiot."

**Chapter 2**

Dr. House,

My name is Lana Seaford and I'm 16 years old. If you're reading this, then my boyfriend has actually pulled through on something and left the twins on your doorstep, just as I asked.

You're probably wondering how I know your name, and where you live and why the hell you've got the twins and not myself. That's understandable.

Now before you go off on an irresponsible tangent, know that I agree. They weren't at all planned, and I'm living on a path where I can't raise them. I don't believe in abortion, so I carried them to full term. Even though I knew that I did not want them, nor could I raise them. My boyfriend agrees with me. They way that we live is no place to bring up kids.

You don't know me but in a way, I know you. Over the last month, I've been observing you and I feel that you're the right person to care for the twins.

I've watched as you worked your cases, brow-beating your patients into doing the right thing, and molding your employees into great Doctors. I can see that beneath your exterior, you care.

You must think that I'm crazy for giving the kids away like this, or that I'm insane because in reality, you are a complete stranger to me, and I'm trusting you to take on this responsibility. I know that I have no right to just dump them on you like this, but I'm doing this for their sake. I may be 16, but I'm not stupid – I know that's debatable right now, but I'm doing what I think is best.

I grew up as an orphan, moving from family to family before I became a Seaford. Even if the twins were to grow up with me, their lives would be no better. I can't offer what I never had. I don't know how and I don't want to. Yes, that's selfish, but it's the truth.

I can't say that I love them, but I like them enough to want the best for them. And what's best for them is not me.

Therefore, both my boyfriend and I are signing over full parental rights to you. If you should turn them over to the authorities, I would completely understand. As I said before, I have no right to throw this responsibility at you, but I believe that there is a reason for my you caught my attention. Whatever that void is you hold. I hope that the kids will help fill that.

Regards,

Lana

Ps. Here is everything you need to know medically. They don't have names. I thought that I would leave that up to you. Their Father.

House looked down from the letter, and at the nameless twins who were suckling hungrily at the bottles, he had propped up for them.

"Well… shyt."

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well those were the first two chapters. hope you liked them, and i'm sorry they were short. But if you're reading Enigma, then you'll know that the chapters will, inevitably get longer. Although...perhaps not QUITE as long :P

please don't hesitate to hit that purple review button on your way out :)

Prinnie


	2. Chapter 2

Okay kiddies, chapter 3 and 4!!

Thankyou to **Silvar, 1985laurie, rollmetotheasylumNOW and mj0621** for your kind reviews. I'm glad you're all enjoying it - and yars...there will be the Huddyness :) hehe.

I'd like to welcome aboard the 134 readers - i hope that you all stick around...and that i pick up a few more readers!!.

Hope you enjoy!

Spoilers for season 2, and some of season 3. (i can't remember which eps frm S3, but Euphoria 1&2 for S2)

Disclaimers in 1st chapter.

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Chapter 3

Regret.

A word that is flippantly thrown around in general conversation regarding the future, and seemingly big, important decisions. A word that really does not really hit home until you look back at decisions made, pondering the questions of 'what if'. Or, after spending the last hour _not _dissipating the mountain of monotonous paperwork on her desk, and rather arguing, in an impressively passive aggressive way, the facts of her life over the phone with her mother.

Cuddy wasn't going to complain – much. She had a fantastic job, an excellent salary, was independent and had a cozy home in a great neighborhood. Her sort of cat (Clio was her sister's kitten, but for some reason, after a week of cat sitting, Clio never returned home with her sister) kept her company, and she had a small but close group of good friends, who kept her up to date with the whole theme of socializing with people other than employees and Investors. There wasn't a man in her life – as frequently pointed out by her over-zealous when it comes to all things Yenta, Mother. An extreme advocate for 'My youngest daughter says she's too busy to bear me some grandchildren, not even one! Is that so much to ask, after 18 hours of labor, and years and _years_ of nurturing and educating – not one Grandchild!' badgering.

The title of 'First Female Dean – second youngest EVER', worked wonders for the first few years – and now it was just a title, an excuse to hide behind at family reunions about why she didn't have a family of her own. To be frank, it was getting a bit old. You'd think relatives would settle for the fact that she was extremely successful. Sure they were proud, incredibly proud, yet still, in their older, wiser eyes – you weren't successful until you were married and walking/waddling around barefoot with a belly the size of a large watermelon. YAY for modernization and new times.

Did she regret working her ass off to get where she is today, sitting behind a huge, gorgeous and important desk, outrageously expensive outfits and shoes, brass nameplate on _her_ office door with the two glamorized, and romanticized letters before and after her name. _Dr. Lisa Cuddy, MD._ She sighed. There was nothing glamorous or romantic about being a doctor. It was another job, another institution – another way to pay the bills. Sure walking away for the day knowing that you've saved a life feels great, and you're walking away on a high for days – until the ugly rearing of death and your role in not being able to save that life returns. So thank you Hollywood – 'for making my profession pretty and even more respectable. Thank you for glorifying what I and thousands of other's do everyday, year after year. Now if you'd just pour those profits into medical research and equipment funds, maybe we'll save a few more lives tomorrow.'

'Ugh', she pulled a pained face, dropping her pen onto the blotter, and rested her chin in her hand. Why was she so bitter about it all, she's got the top job – she's the Queen Bee of PPTH. Regret. Or more, her inability to deal, guilt and proneness to over-thinking and analyzing. Would things have been different had she continued to practice medicine full time, and run her own department – rather than striving for the best and running an Elite Teaching Hospital? Had she set her goals at something a little more sane, would she have had found the time to find herself a decent guy to play 'house' with and finally fulfill her mother and her relatives familial dreams for her. On the other hand, would she still be neck deep in work – spending more time in her office, than her home.

It wasn't as if she didn't _want_ to have a family of her own. She was just too … busy. As she quietly watched a young boy try to reach up into the candy jar for more candy, only to be scolded by his mother, she felt a lurch in her chest, and a deep pang in her stomach.

She lowered a hand to her stomach and couldn't help but fall further into melancholia. She had stopped the fertility treatments, but was still feeling the effects of the treatments…hormonally. So much had happened over the last 6 months. House had discovered her little secret and desire, plans for the Cardiology wing had fallen through, House was shot, and she experienced one of the scariest most trying events in her life. An ectopic pregnancy. Life, just wasn't… fair. Nobody knew. When she found out that she was indeed pregnant, she was ecstatic but still didn't want get her hopes up, knowing that with her age, and family history, there could well be complications. So much had happened since House's return to work. First the deceit concocted by his bestfriend, followed like a sheep by herself, the pain in his leg returning, his sudden bout of self doubt , the tension in their friendship and Ezra and that little minx….what was her name – Ali, little Miss red thong hanging out from her jeans. And yet, _he_ had the time to somehow figure out that she was pregnant – was pregnant.

She had distractions then, to keep her from dwelling. Now that things were reasonably quiet, despite the copious amounts of paperwork, and meetings and observations she had to sit through, it wasn't enough to keep her from dwelling. She rubbed her stomach slightly, where her child should have been growing, breathing in a shuddering breath.

"I guess it wasn't meant to be little one."

She thought about trying again, but fear of heightened health risks and the fear of another loss held her back. She couldn't go through all that again. Not now, so instead, she buried those hurts deep in the cavern of bottled emotion.

With a frustrated growl, she pulled herself out of her chair and self pity, deciding that she was going to go and find some frozen yoghurt and then vent some of her frustration on some poor med student. Making them squirm was fun, and they already cowered when she was observing their classes with eagle eyes and a piercing gaze. Then, perhaps pay a visit to her favorite target, and worthy sparring partner. House was sure to have skipped some clinic duty she could yell at him about, or upset some person and either not taking on a case or running some high-risk test behind her back.

Yes, that's what she would do.

A knock on her door startled her as she slid into her lab coat.

"Yes?" she called out crisply,

'Evil' Nurse Brenda, with an almost matching frustrated glower on her face stuck her head in the office, and in a harried voice rattled off,

"The company that delivers our linen has dispatched our new stock to Princeton General, and won't render their mistake until tomorrow-"

"Aren't we short of linen _now_?"

"Yes. And the lecture theatre is double booked, and Clinic is short staffed. Dr. House never showed up, and there's a problem with the plumbing on the 3rd floor."

Cuddy pinched the bridge of her nose, and walked back towards her desk. It looked as if she had new peoples to exercise some yelling therapy at,

"Right. On your way out, can you please tell my assistant to call maintenance, STAT, I'll deal with the linen and the lecture theatre. On your way out, can you please tell Dr, Wilson to stop hovering at the Clinic desk and go find out where House is or do his job. Oh, and Brenda, after you do that, go home and pack for your vacation. Your shift was over 10 minutes ago."

Brenda smiled at her friend and boss, "Thanks. I'll send you a post card from Maui."

"I'm pretty sure you won't be having any _time_. Make sure you don't leave that place without a diamond on your left hand. Or I'll be having words with Ben."

Brenda grinned as she left, and for a moment, Cuddy studied her friend and couldn't help but smile, there was a definite bounce in her step.

Why was it that she could set up her friends with decent men, and not find someone for herself, '_Gnah, no more wallowing Lisa, you have people to go and yell at!'_

With that, she punched in the numbers for the linen company, and while she started to sort out that mess, and demand they get the linen by end of business today, she began to access the mainframe, extending House's weekly clinic hours by 2, and fixing up the double booking.

This was the life that she led. It may not have allowed for her to follow that whimsical childhood fantasy of the white picket fence package, but it kept her distracted from weighing issues, and there was never a dull moment. Little did she know, everything 'familiar' was about to go belly-up in complication and buried feelings.

Chapter 4

"House, where the hell are you?!"

Wilson hissed into the phone, looking over his shoulder, checking to make sure that Cuddy wasn't in the vicinity.

House was in his living room; the babies were lying on a blanket on the couch crying. In one hand, House had a diaper, the sticky tabs sticking to his fingers, and in the other, a bottle that he was trying to get the little girl to take.

Growling into the phone wedged between his ear and shoulder, he answered, "I am currently in the 4th circle of Hell."

Wilson paused, puzzled. Both at his reference, the crying in the background, and….was House making shushing noises?

"House…, what are you doing? What have you done?"

House had some how managed to get the diaper stuck to his elbow, and was having a hard time pulling it off, considering his other hand was pre-occupied with feeding a little monster. The little boy found House's struggle amusing and began to giggle, cooing.

"Yeah, of course you'd think it's hilarious. You've already managed to pee on me, you little bast-"

"House what the hell are you-"

House threw the diaper down and glared at the two babies in front of him. They were both staring back with their big, curious eyes.

"Last night, I did the unthinkable-"

"You ran over a pedestrian for being to slow at the crossing."

House rolled his eyes and continued to talk over the top of Wilson's jest, "I prayed."

Wilson paused, then repeated slowly, "You prayed."

"Parroting everything I say is just going to delay whatever it is I have to say."

Wilson was not deterred, "How much Vicodin did you take House?"

House sighed dramatically, "It's not all about the drugs Jimmy. And not nearly enough. I prayed for a distraction in the form of a leggy, curvy, voluptuous…babe. Carmen Electra or Angelina Jolie…or both. Not fussy. But instead, the guy who calls himself the almighty and powerful 'God', answered with Twins instead. And they aren't Swedish or legal either. 2 month old, dizygotic, pooping, drooling, crying, screaming, constantly hungry – did I mention pooping parasites."

He stopped, and glared at the babies, who grinned back up at him toothlessly. The little girl started giving signs that she needed to be burped, and the little boy, content without the pamper for now, grabbed at the baby rattle. House dropped a diaper over his little friend, just in case he felt the need to imitate the Manneken Pis again.

It took a moment for Wilson to process and translate this new information.

"You have…"

"Twin Parasites. One of each sex."

"How…"

"Long story"

"What are you going to do?" Wilson could not believe this.

"Foist them off on Cuddy until I can get legal to sort this out."

"I don't-"

"I don't get it either."

"Who in their right mind would – wait. You've had the babies since last night?"

"Since 3 in the morning. Wilson. Long story cut short. I woke up yesterday baby-less, I woke up this morning _with_ Babies"

There was a knock at the door.

"Gotta go, that's the guy from the black market, apparently twins are selling really well. Thank God, for rich people and their inability to reproduce – hey…you think Cuddy will buy them off me? I've had my eye on a new entertainment system, and those arcade games for a while now."

Wilson was left with a dial tone. He didn't know what to say or do. He was in a complete daze, not knowing whether to believe House, or to be very worried…or both.

"Dr. Wilson, patient in Exam Room 3…. Dr. Wilson?" The nurse called him from the desk.

"Huh? Oh, thanks Valerie." He took the file from her and walked towards Exam Room 3, shaking his head…House…twins…House…with babies.

Should they be waiting for the Apocalypse?

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:D I hope that you all enjoyed that!! i had alot of fun writing both chapters. Please let me know what you think :)

Next chapter, Cuddy meets the babies.

Prinnie


	3. Chapter 3

Hello everyone!!! i apoligize for the GREAT BIG delay in updating this. I've been crazily busy. Thanks to all of you who left me some feedback!! I'll try reply to you all this time around :)

And thanks to everyone that is silently reading!! I'm glad that people so far, are enjoying this story.

So, on with the show!!! (disclaimers etc - same as usual. Don't own anyone or anything to do with Fox or House. Just borrowing...all O/C characters are mine - so no stealing the babies...OK!!)

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Chapter 5

House hobbled into the foyer of the clinic, two interns trailing behind him fearfully. One was pushing the twin stroller, with gurgling babies, and the other was shouldering the baby bag, and their playpen and toys.

The delivery boy had been the person at the door earlier that day, with the items that House had purchased over the phone with an online catalogue, and for the first time in about 2 months, with his very own credit card. He had harassed the company into delivering whatever what was in stock, on his list within the hour. That included the twin stroller, playpen, and two carriers for his car.

The image of House walking into the hospital, with a pair of interns and twin babies, making it known that he wanted to get to his destination as quickly as possible, using his cane to step on the backs of the interns' heels, muttering for them to move faster – was highly improbable, yet it would still make people stare. However, this image, teamed with his shouldering a backpack which had the ear of a stuffed animal sticking out of it, and two pacifiers still in its packaging in the side compartments - proving that they were with him, hobbling as fast as he could, was in itself a workplace hazard.

And a Workplace hazard it was. Orderlies wheeling patients back to their rooms, or taking them to get tests done, almost wheeled the chairs and the patient into the door as they walked and stared. Doctors stopped mid-speech as their eyes followed House through the foyer, their hands faltering as they flipped through patient files. Nurses missed numbers that they were meant to dial, Nurse Dina almost split scalding coffee on herself, and Nurse Maria nearly stapled her hand.

Everybody stopped and stared, completely aghast as House headed for Cuddy's office…twins and interns in tow.

House wanted to yell out something, but nothing good came to mind, so he continued to grumble, grabbing a handful of lollypops, stuffing them into his pockets, before throwing open the doors of Cuddy's office, and ushering the interns in with his eyes.

"Cuddles!! I found you some puppies!"

Cuddy blinked as she took in the scene in her doorway. Interns and students were always nervous in her presence, especially in the Dean's office – no, not because of her 'domineering ways' as House had once so 'kindly' put it to a fresh batch of students, but because well, it was pretty much like the Principals office, a place you never wanted to be. Everybody knew that Cuddy ran a tight ship – and that House was always the one to try to rock it, usually, always succeeding. Stories about the (loud) arguments between the two preceded her reputation as a down to business, but good boss. Everybody knew that the hospital was her baby, and to tamper with her baby, was like…prodding a bear protecting its cubs with a sharp stick. Cuddy would protect her employees, but do wrong by her and the hospital, and you would be out on your butt before you could even say 'second chance'.

The fact that the interns were in the Dean's office with not only the Dean, but with the hospital's best Doctor, the cause of most of the lawsuits, the Nurses wariness, the other Doctor's disdain, The Board's exasperation, a Med student/intern/fellow's worst nightmare, a very sick patient's hero and the Dean's problem child – they had every right to be feeling the way they felt. They would take cleaning bedpans for a week over being in the same room with the two of them.

"Uh, I'm sorry Mr. Hargrave, I'm going to have to call you back – there's a bit of a situation, ok sure, thanks, bye." Cuddy hung up the phone, the look on her face was not dissimilar to that of the various employees who first witnesses the picture before her.

"What's going on?" She looked expectantly at the interns, and the both spoke at once.

"Dr. House cornered us on the way in-"

"He needed help with-"

"I did no such thing!"

"Oh my God, House, what did you DO?"

"Waaaahhhhhh" came the two cries from the stroller, they all stopped at the cries.

Cuddy was the first to look away from the twins, and said in a soft, yet stern voice,

"I'm sure you two have rounds to be finishing, Go." The interns scampered away from the office, one dropping the baby bag like a hot potato, and the other pulling back from the stroller as if he'd been zapped by an electric fence.

Cuddy moved from behind her desk, gasping as she peered into the stroller and found that the two babies lying there, crying from the sudden increase in volume and lack of attention, were indeed real, and not dolls. Unable to help herself, she reached down and tickled their stomaches cooing at them. The twins immediately stopped crying and started gurgling, enjoying the sensation of Cuddy's fingers tickling their bellies. Looking up at her office door, she could see everybody craning their necks, trying to get a good look of House with the babies, and maybe even catching a bit of the conversation going on inside the office. Sighing, she stood up, and yanked open the door, with a glare in place.

"Don't you people have work to be doing?"

There was a collective mumble throughout the clinic,

"Then get to it!"

With that, she snapped her door back shut, and on a second thought, pulled on the strings of the blinds, effectively shutting prying eyes out.

"You know, you've just fuelled their insinuations about this whole thing, which in effect are going to further fuel the insinuations about the past insinuations about us."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "Well there wouldn't _be_ any insinuations in the first place, had it not been for you, your big mouth, and that perverse complex you have for making me miserable,"

"Well, see if I ever bring you puppies again," House looked down at the twins and pulled a face. Cuddy exhaled noisily, and sat down on the sofa.

"Explain."

House sighed, and pushed the stroller over in front of the sofa so that he could sit down, and put down his backpack.

"I told you, I found you some puppies."

"What did you do, I mean. You have – Who's babies did you steal?"

"What make s you think I stole them? And before you ask, No, I did not knock anybody up. But it does please me that you think that my little sailers are such strong swimmers."

Cuddy tore herself away from the babies, whom were smiling up at her as they cooed, watching her intently with their blue-green eyes,

"_House._"

"They were on my doorstep, _seriously_! I'm not kidding. I was having a nice night in with the 'L-Word' girls, praying for a bit of Carmen Electra or Angelina Jolie action, and the next thing I knew some _irresponsible_ teenager decided that _I_ was responsible and foisted the parasites on me. Here, kid even left a letter."

He rummaged around in his backpack, finding the crumpled letter and tossed it into her lap, along with all the boring stuff such as the medical files and the legal stuffs. With the babies preoccupied with playing with her fingers on one hand, she used the other to flip through the pages, murmuring to herself. Astonished she looked up at him, finding him watching her with his chin resting on the handle of his cane.

"I – You've had them since last night?"

"Well, early, early this morning, but y'know, semantics." He shrugged, and at her exasperated and tired look, he nodded,

"Yeah. They stayed the night and we're all still alive. Now we've just got to wait for the apocalypse."

Ignoring his theatrics, she went on, "So where are they sleeping?"

"In the car seats,"

That earned him 'The Look', "What! They're not sleeping with me!"

"Where did they sleep last night?"

"On my bed. I took the couch. But there's no way I'm doing that again. I've already got a bum leg, there's no way I'm putting out my back just for those." motioning over to the twins with a nudge of his head.

"You left them alone on your bed! House, what if they fell off, they could have suffocated, you know how dangerous it is for babies to sleep in a bed!"

"Sheese Cuddy, relax will ya! It's a big bed! Besides, they made it through the night didn't they! Besides, I'm a Doctor too you know. I put pillows around them, to they wouldn't roll...or you know…. die from a lack of oxygen."

"And what about food?"

"Silly Dr. Cuddy," he began speaking slowly, and in a tone of voice that one would use when explaining something to a very small child,

"Babies their age can't eat food – that's what formula is for." He nodded very slowly, and Cuddy fought down the urge to smack him.

"Toys? Clothes, bibs, baby wipes? Baby necessities – do you even have diapers?"

House eyes bulged with indignation, "Hey it's not like I _planned_ this! They were dumped, _literally_ on my doorstep! If you care so much, why don't _you_ take them! Be my guest, they're all yours…for a price of course. I'm thinking…dinner at a restaurant of my choice, and a full body massage at the end of the night, with a bit of happy time – if you know what I mean," he waggled his eyebrows at her, and this time she smacked his arm,

"You're disgusting,"

"Ow! See Little Monsters, this is what I get for trying to be nice to her. Beat-up on. I should report her to the Union."

"House! Can you be serious for a moment? I know that it is going to be difficult, but you need to stop playing around! These children need a home and if you're not going to keep them, you need to alert children's services so that _they_ can find them a home."

Cuddy waited and watched for House's reaction, but the little boy started to cry again, as if he picked up on what was going on, protesting as House was about to reply.

Without thinking , House offered the knuckle of his pinkie for the baby to suckle on, while reaching for the pacifiers. Cuddy couldn't help but smile at him, as she looked up from soothing the little girl, who's face had scrunched up at her brothers cries, giving her the pacifier that House had handed her.

House looked away sheepishly, and said gruffly, "Unless you want squawking babies, Shut-up."

Cuddy grinned, "You know what I think?"

"No, but you're going to tell me anyway."

Cuddy smirked, "- I think that the fact that you haven't already called Children's Services, speaks for itself."

House groaned, "Don't start on me with that psychoanalytical bullshit, that's what Wilson is for – Ow! What's with all this abuse, I know I joke about it, but I didn't actually know you were into that kind of thing - that's actually kind of hot…"

"_House_," she cried, exasperatedly, "Stop cussing around them!"

"They don't even understand." he replied in his 'duh' voice,

Cuddy continued to let the babies grab at her fingers, "Babies are very attuned to their surroundings. They'll pick it up and commit it to memory."

He scoffed at her, "And of course, you would know-"

House fumbled as her face faltered and her hands went still.

"Sorry."

A moment of silence passed, the only sounds were coming from the stroller, Cuddy's attention completely focused on the babies, and House, at the spot on the floor.

"So..."

"Mmm?" she murmured, laughing as the little girl tried to reach up and tug on her hair.

Again, House said nothing. But the words of the letter that Lana had left him filled his mind, "H_elp you fill that void,_" he quickly shook it off.

"I'm going to uh, need that lawyer," Cuddy looked up at him questioningly as the babies gnawed on her fingers,

House smiled a small smile, "I need them to look over those papers. You know…make sure they're…legal."

Cuddy grinned, "So you _are_ going to keep them," and then, to House's horror and amusement, she got that look on her face. That clucky…maternal…_look_. And he flushed.

"Yeah, well - Whatever. Chicks dig the whole single Dad thing. Imagine the story I could concoct. Skanky gold-digger comes after my money, I knock her up because I'm just SO virile, and she leaves with my money, leaving me with two," he did this in a phony cute voice "Adoraworable kiddies."

Cuddy snorted with laughter, "You're impossible. I'll have the lawyers meet with you, _after_ you've done the clinic hours you owe me for this week. You've got kids to support now. Make sure you do them. Besides, they're a little busy dealing with your _last_ mishap. And I think it's time that you fed _your children_, you still need to name them by the way."

"No I don't. The one in the blue is 'Left of Doorstep', and the one in pink, gnawing your knuckle off is 'Right of Doorstep."

"Feed your children."

"What you don't like the names? What about Linda and Damien Blair?"

"_HOUSE!"_

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he tossed the baby bag with the bottles in it, into Cuddy's lap. She winced at the sudden impact,

"What-"

"Bottles are in there. I'm sure you'll find more diapers and formula around this joint. Word has it that the extensions to the Ped's wards are huge, and Neo-Natal is just heaving with babies. I'm going to get lunch." He started his escape, moving around the stroller and for the door.

Cuddy jumped up, "You can't leave them here!"

"Why not? I'm giving you an opportunity to fulfill that nurturing disease. I'll be back later."

"House! I've got _work_ to do!"

House grinned evilly,

"So do I! People to harass, soapies to catch up on, bossing to do. All you're going to do is sit on your hiney and scribble your name on stuff. I'm going to go and do real Doctorly things. Cosmetics is going to need someone to make sure the Fun-Bag implants are working, and who better to examine than yours truly." And with that he scaddadled out of her office, just as the twins let out huge, hungry wails.

Cuddy stood there, torn between chasing and yelling after him, and comforting the babies. All of a sudden, she was nervous. It wasn't like she hadn't taken care of babies before. She had young nieces and nephews, but this - this was different.

tbc...

I hope that you enjoyed that, because i really enjoyed writing it. And hopefully, House and Cuddy were still in character - for the most part.

Don't forget to leave some feedback on your way out!!

Prinnie


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